BACKGROUND: Holly, Michelle, Maggie and Rachel are roommates in college. They are junior buisness, marketing, political science and film majors. Although they are all really smart, their conversations do not necessarily reflect their intellect. It is a Wednesday night after class. They just finished eating dinner and are all watching TV together in the living room.
HOLLY
I want a boy to text me.
MICHELLE
Is that a joke? You're seriously so annoying. You have been texting Chris, Wyatt and Jacob this entire week.
HOLLY
No, I havent....
MAGGIE
Holly, yes you have. You made me read some of them and I helped you respond to like 50 of the message.
MICHELLE
Seriously, and stop complaining. The only people who text me these days is y'all and randomly Ben the cheeto-head and I refuse to respond.
HOLLY
Well I just meant I want a boy to like me.
MAGGIE
All three of those boys are obsessed with you.
RACHEL
Yeah shut up Holly. Jacob told you he loved you this weekend.
HOLLY
Oh my God, whatever he was so drunk. He probably says that to every girl to get them to sleep with him.
MICHELLE
Yeah and you did sleep with him. Maybe I should start telling guys that I love them so I can at least get one of them to kiss me.
HOLLY
What if I'm pregnant? I've been really hungry all day today...
RACHEL
To Michelle
Umm I don't think guys like that. I'm pretty sure they would get freaked out and run away. Remember when Allie dated David and she said "I love you" before he did. They broke up like two weeks later.
MAGGIE
They broke up because he cheated on her not because she said "I love you" first.
RACHEL
Yeah and I bet he cheated on her because she said "I love you" first and it freaked him out so it drove him to cheat.
HOLLY
Seriously y'all, am I pregnant?
MICHELLE
Stop. You aren't pregnant and even if you were your body wouldn't be able to respond that quickly. He shacked here like three days ago. I'm pretty sure you don't develop symptoms of pregnancy that fast.
HOLLY
Even if I was pregnant, I would be on Teen Mom and would be the viewers' favorite.
MAGGIE
It's called Teen Mom. You are 21. And out of all the ridiculous things that come out of your mouth, that one is right up there with the time you thought Rose and Jack were real passengers on the Titanic.
RACHEL
Can I tweet that?
HOLLY
NO. And how was I supposed to know they weren't real. Titanic was a true story so it could have easily been true.
MICHELLE
Allie thought that too.
HOLLY
SEE Maggie, I'm not the only one who is retarded and besides the only reason you knew they weren't real is because you are a film major and you probably googled it when I said that just to make sure.
MAGGIE
Trust me, I didn't. I'm pretty sure its common knowledge that Jack and Rose WERENT REAL PEOPLE.
RACHEL
Well to her credit, Molly Brown was real and she was in the movie. But yeah Holly, you and Allie are pretty dumb for thinking they were real. I mean seriously...
HOLLY
Whatever. Y'all are just jealous because that's probably what Jacob and I will turn out to be. Just like Jack and Rose except he won't die.
MICHELLE
What about the part about Rose being engaged to someone else?
HOLLY
Well I could see that happening because the guy she was engaged to was rich. So, I can be engaged to a rich guy and marry him but still hook up with Jacob on the side.
MAGGIE
I think some of the things you say take years off my life.
RACHEL
To Holly
You kill me.
I was cracking up with this story! Me and some of my friends have converations like this all the time and we are all really smart in school. I really like how you captured how there is like 3 diffrent topics of converation going on but it wasn't confusing. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI didn't really pay attention to who was saying what (four character who are all pretty similar was a lot to keep together in a short scene), but regardless... it was HILARIOUS. "Can I tweet that?" ha YES. This was almost like you were in the room and typing out the exact convo. I loved reading this; it was almost like a reality tv show script. Awesome job.
ReplyDeleteFrom a guy's point of view, I thought this was hilarious. Sadly, most guys have this view in their heads when they imagine what our female colleagues talk about at dinner. I think it reflects our culture and the way we all hold so much information in our heads. Even though the girls come across as dumb, in a way its impressive how they bounce back and forth without ever breaking stride. Well done!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I loved the bantering tone of the conversation! I thought it was great because at one point the girls were talking about almost 3 different things at once. It was definitely well-timed. That being said, with so many different voices/characters to keep track of, the distinction seemed to blend together quite a bit in the scene and I had a hard time distinguishing the personalities of the 4 girls. I think maybe breaking up the description in the beginning into separate paragraphs for each girl might help. Also, try adding in a little more stage direction, what else is going on in the scene while they are talking? Where is everybody sitting, on the floor, on couches, at a table? What are they doing, fixing their hair, homework, messing with a phone/computer? You don't have to make it a story, but adding in those details about what each girl is doing might help distinguish their personalities, which I think they all have a lot of! Good work!
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